That DOES it!!

I've had it. I officially don't give a damn anymore

No matter what I do - things just keep plodding on in the same all tracks as always.
I'm feeling lost and confused as to what the ^*&% I should be doing. Nothing that I DO do ever lead anywhere. I've spent more years than I care to count in uni and what to I have to show for it?
A temporary job 'cause NO ONE is willing to take a chance at me...they all look at me and my CV and thinks 'she's just gonna stay here a couple of months and then get something better' while in the meantime they keep giving away jobs to people who don't have a clue what they're doing and having to advertise the same vacancy again and again because it doesn't work out.

I spend all my time alone - even at work 'cause the few precious people who actually thinks I'm ANY use as company all live elsewhere and even if I wanted to I couldn't afford to go visit them. To add to the 'alone' issues I'm not allowed to keep pets in my flat (I rent it) and the sun doesn't really get in here - so all my plants keeps dying on me.

And to compound the issue - I don't think there's a male on the planet who'd even give me a second glance. I mean, come on... brick walls are apparently more interesting than I am. Of course, there's nothing new about that, I've always been on my own...Heck, these days - if against ALL POSSIBLE ODDS anyone actually would even ask me out - I'd probably either faint or get compltetly terrified. Not that there's any chance of that happening. 30 years of being ignored by the male population, it kinda has the odds against it.

I want something to change - but everything I throw into the air to see if there's a path there, all it does is end up with even more obstacles the harder I look.
Where I live is quite nice, but I'd like to move. But where I'd like to move TO isn't exactly cooperating - you'd probably have more luck getting through the immigration system if you were a sick doddering old fool than if you were me - and that's WITH all the University and work I've got in the past It seems all the work I've put into being an educated and well experienced person doesn't count for anything anywhere - and where it does count being it, I always have the wrong experience...

Everyone and I do MEAN everyone at work seems to either be getting married, getting engaged, going to other peoples weddings or having kids. It's ALL anyone talks about - and it's driving me nuts. Ok, so I understand that it's very exciting and you're happy, but it's making ME even more miserable than I was before. So, I'm on my own. Does anyone really think that's entierly by choice? I don't need it thrown in my face thanks

I really hope that this isn't all there is to life - cause that'd be damn depressing Everyone else seems to get bits of being happy...is it so much to ask for?

I'm already having student loans up over my ears (and then the entire Atlantic ocean above that) - but it seems the only thing I have going for me is to get back into it again. That means funding it completely on my own Assuing I'd get accepted (having had to give up on my PhD thanks to the recession and my father dying) again, if it wouldn't work out, I'd essentially have no choice but go back home (different country from where I live) and move in with my mother. I'm not sure which scares the shit out of me most, potentially having to live with her, or to go back to that small community that I hated and where everyone seems to have gotten really interested in everything I do after I left. Well SOD them I say. *kicks place and people hard in the rear*

Either way - I really don't know what I'm doing anymore...

Published...? Well...who would have believed it.

Ok - so most people here on DA knows I'm an artist (duh, a gallery full of traditional and digital paintings I wasn't going to opt for being a small grey fleck of dust under the wardrobe ) but there are a few odds and ends in form of written stuff in there aswell (most of it not anywhere near as edited as it should be I might add, should you go look at it). What most people don't know, is that before I joined DA, most of my artistic endevours were in the form of words - you know, like short stories and that sort of thing (mostly fantasy, some SF) and I haven't really been keen on sharing them here for various reasons.

Anyway... I digress.

After a lot of with dealing with the publishng world, I've finally managed to get something other than short stories published

So...here it is. A full novel of fantasy


and...should you like one for your very self (the book that is, not the cover art - though if people are interested, I might upload a higher resolution and turn it into a print), you can find it here at the moment:
[link]


oh, you still here? What? You wanted to know what it was about. right... ok, I'll give it a go.

from the back of the book
The Race Wars which destroyed so much of the known world ended centuries ago. Now lands once ravaged and desolate are beginning to recover; ancient civilizations, once thought lost in battle, are spoken of in whispers and hushed voices as living; Litania, once the seat of a Royal House of great power, is fracturing with internal strife; a new power is rising; and somewhere across the continent, it is said, there lies the fabled treasure known only as the Eye of the Dragon. But not all fables are told to amuse and awe. Raschka, head of the newly formed Sorcerer’s Council, knows this all to well, as does Bestien of the Thieves Guild who has obtained information he is eager to act upon. And two old friends, journeying to the city-state, are about to find that their lives are entwined with the fates of many.


You'll find yourself in a world of small states, large wildernesses (is that even a word? must rember to go look it up) the odd kingdom old and new. A world were the remnants of the ancient races are only slowly recovering from near extinction. Where elves, dwarves and other races as well as the many creatures of night and day may not always be what you expect them to be. Where friend and foe can be curiously intermingled.

But be mindful. You may be the next item on the menu for a hungry dragon should you stray too far from the path